Guide Surviving Divorce - Maintaining Sanity For Your Family

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Let me tell you this. I threw him out in November, It has been six months. We are SO close now. We are survivors, and we have that mentality, who cares about who wants us. It's about what we want. It's about ourselves, our children, our friends, our happiness. All of the new hobbies I have picked up because I couldn't have them in the marriage? My relationship with my daughter?

One therapist's advice for regaining peace of mind after a toxic break-up.

You damn well know it is only going to get worse. They cannot get better. They are cognitively incapable of doing so. There are no more "promises to change" because I have blocked him from everything. I filed my divorce online and made it as simple as possible. It was filed in a court where we did not have to see a judge. I paid for it, I did all the work. Age 32 is the beginning of life!

This decade is miraculous! Trust me, they will want you! Many have wanted me in just this short six months. But right now, I can't be with someone else. I am enjoying my new life too much and don't want to put any time into someone else. I catch myself on occasion with a cheeky smile accompanied by a shuddering sense of relief and excitement about my new life narc free.

I'm loving your name I'm currently the victim of narcissistic rage like your sister. I have been sectioned and medically treated for misdiagnosed and labelled wrongly as delusional. I have never been so obviously abused and not believed and frightened. These men know 'no bounds' his ruthless destruction of a single parent with small children is viscous and unfathomable.

No one will help me!. These leeches plan for ages the final assault so are one step ahead!. My family also believe 'im mad". They do not see the targeted stalking I endure. If my sister would have said anything to me while imprisoned in such a disordered relationship I probably would have severed ties. Its crazy I know!. This personality type attract partners with an abundance of empathy. You maybe would have spotted the red flags. Sounds like your " just the ticket" to support your family through this!. I hear your anger at this sub-human and long may that last.

This was sorta spooky as to how spot-on it is!

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I witnessed a good dad being dragged through the courts trying to defend himself against countless accusations, continuing for over a decade after a divorce from a woman who is at best, a narcissist. She's a criminal and pathological liar that has no concern for anyone, except for herself. She would go to different counties to obtain Orders of Protection and use those un-served documents to lie to family doctors and school admin - all in efforts to damage the father's reputation and relationship with their children.

All the while she continued her poisonous contact with their kids, totally twisting their reality.

Disrupting the Divorce Experience. Defining Your Next Chapter.

She completely snowed one commissioner whom has since been publicly reprimanded for their antics - that commissioner has a reputation for being biased against men, and what a dynamically destructive duo of crazy mother and unhinged judge that was! It all seems so surreal now. BTW, that commissioner resigned the day after having a "meltdown" during a hearing. Please continue to bring awareness of how we may better navigate through family courts with these destructive narcissists. It feels so awfully lonely and terribly hopeless when the ex is a narcissist and you're dealing with a system that seems to assume both parents want what's best for their children.

I'm not a therapist or psychologist but this post was inspired by own experience in a short term marriage, no children, and no shared assets --and a second marriage for one, and a third for the other. I cannot imagine how frantic I would have been if children were involved; this was about money. But the judges are overburdened and it would seem confused by trying to be equitable and then also "the best interests of the child. Both of the experts, Dr. Malkin and Mary Kirkpatrick, Esq.

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High-Conflict Divorce: 3 Lessons Learned From the Couch | Psychology Today

I will certainly revisit the subject with their expertise in tow, Best to you, JB. It is much appreciated. I truly marvel at the immense emotional restraint the father has. He only gained sole custody mother must petition for supervised visitation at father's discretion after tremendous costs of time, effort and money of a court appointed Best Interest Attorney and forensic counselors. Their children have suffered tremendously at their mother's emotional abuse. I dunno how we can expedite these conclusions, as I've heard too many heartbreaking stories of the sane parent just giving up, but I think articles like yours, bringing much needed awareness is a great start.

How to Survive in an Unhappy Marriage and Thrive

Somehow, generally, when it comes to children--whether in this situation or others--as a society and global culture, we need to learn to do better. That, alas, is the sad truth. Anyone who does, is not a good person - and may even be a narcissist themselves. I would drag my burnt and blistered body across 5, miles of broken glass in a hurricane if it meant saving my children..

Should I have to? For a minute I thought you were describing the breakup of me and my ex. Expect the unexpected, dream up the nastiest thing an ex could do, they'll probably figure out something even worse. Living with a person afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is enough of a challenge; divorcing him can be even more difficult. It is important to be mindful that a person with NPD has a true disorder. He has developed this self-absorbed, dominating, controlling and non-empathetic personality as a response to something traumatic in his childhood.

It is the only way he knows how to deal with the world, and you cannot change that. By the time you have made up your mind to divorce him, you already know that healing him is impossible. Your husband reeled you into the relationship using the typical lures of a narcissist: But as time went on, you noticed that this normal, loving behavior gave way to a man who was controlling, did not listen nor value your opinions, made everything about himself, and frequently lied. When you tried to address these relationship issues , he would promise you things would change.

Now that you have come to realize that you cannot make him change, you need to prepare yourself for a shift in your dynamic. Your narcissist soon-to-be-ex-husband will not take easily to you showing strength. He will not accept that you have, in essence, turned your back on him. You are going to need to gather a good team in order to stay strong and manage your divorce process.

First, enlist an expert attorney, one who is used to dealing with exes such as yours. He will know what to watch out for and how to avoid the traps your ex will set.

10 Tips for a Sane Divorce: Five for You, Five for Me

Secondly, work with a mental health professional who can provide you with a safe space in which to express your frustrations and anger. She will be able to help you remain strong and focused on your goal of getting out of this draining marriage and beginning a new life free of the narcissist. Work through your relationship issues. Although the ink has dried on your divorce decree, your problems do not suddenly disappear. As bad as the third-party involvement was, the solo aftermath of divorce can make your life unbearable.

I advocate psychotherapy with a clinician qualified to treat high-conflict divorce. Understanding what drew you to this person in the first place will help you avoid the same dynamic. A therapist will help you identify firm boundaries around acceptable behavior, as well as recognize the signs of emotional abuse and manipulation. A Google search of counselors in your area will not necessarily yield the same results as putting in the work to find a professional who understands the intricacies of the family court system and how it works or does not work.

People who learn to redefine healthy relationship characteristics tend to heal, trust again, and experience fulfilling romantic relationships. Focus on your personal-care plan. After the circus-like atmosphere from endless and costly court proceedings, bickering attorneys, police reports, and allegations of child abuse , etc.

Nourish your mind, body and spirit with practices that promote health and healing.

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No matter how bad it is, you're always doing something well. The humiliation and heartbreak of requiring government assistance to make decisions regarding your personal and child-rearing lives is formidable. But this is just one chapter of your story. Above all, remember that you are so much more than a docket number or label. I am the legal guardian of my niece's six year old daughter. My niece has bipolar or border line personality disorder. I have been trying to co-parent without much success; however, instead of becoming easier it has become harder. This article has really shed some light for me and has given me a new perspective.