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How to Stop Holding Yourself Back in Life: I am sure that I am neither the first nor the last person who once naively thought that she would truly love herself when.
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- Think You're Not Good Enough? How to Stop Holding Yourself Back
- Stop Holding Yourself Back
Ely and Frances X. After working with hundreds of leaders in a wide variety of organizations and in countries all over the globe, the authors found one very clear pattern: Five barriers in particular tend to keep promising managers from becoming exceptional leaders: Troy, a customer service manager, endangered his job and his company's reputation by focusing on protecting his position, not helping his team; when a trusted friend advised him to change his behavior, the results were striking. Anita's insistence on sticking to the tough persona she'd created for herself caused her to ignore the more intuitive part of the leadership equation, with disastrous results—until she let go of the need to appear invulnerable and reached out to another manager.
Jon, a personal trainer who had virtually no experience with either youth development programs or urban life, opened a highly successful gym for inner-city kids at risk; he refused to be daunted by his lack of expertise and decided to simply "go for it. Only then will the workforce-and society-benefit from the enormous amount of talent currently sitting on the bench.
Morriss, Anne, Robin J.
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Ely, and Frances X. Shelle Santana , Frances X. Ask yourself, if you spoke to a small child the way you speak to yourself, would that child then go running into the world to take on life's challenges with courage and enthusiasm? Or would she or he sit in a corner wondering what's the point?
Once you can see for yourself how you berate and criticize yourself, you can start practicing more positive thoughts. It's not necessary to make sure everyone around you is happy all the time.
Think You're Not Good Enough? How to Stop Holding Yourself Back
In fact, often when you speak up for yourself and stay true to your needs, people will respect you for it that much more. While it's important for many of us to be liked guilty! If you're a giver and not a taker, it may feel awkward at first to remind yourself that you deserve happiness and fulfillment. Play with the idea on a smaller scale, like if your meal didn't come out as you ordered it at the restaurant, let the server know, rather than eating something that was not prepared the way you ordered it. And then build yourself up to the bigger things like asking for a raise or promotion.
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if one thing doesn't go your way, that's just how it's going to be in every area of life. But that's simply not true. We all encounter challenges in life, and sometimes they may seem insurmountable. One of my best friends told me recently about a principle she has applied to parenthood, which I like to refer to as the "Right Now" theory. Did you sleep through your alarm, forget to bring your lunch to work and lose your wallet? And we all have those days!
Rather than assuming this is how is going to be, consider telling yourself that this is how it is Right Now. Tack that phrase onto any negative all-or-nothing thought so you can accept how things are in the moment, and still remind yourself that this moment, as every moment, will pass. As you begin to take more notice of your negative thoughts, see if you can pick out the repeat offenders.
Then ask yourself, "Who does this remind me of? I got a job offer to oversee one of the biggest commercial real estate investors in North America. The job consisted of creating twenty-two financial budget packages in three months, while convincing the client to sign a two-year deal with the company and restructuring the entire accounting department. I was convinced that I could not do this job, despite all the encouragement I received from my husband and best friend.
We all grow up with both positive and negative memory banks, with one being larger than the other, thanks to our parents and the environment we were raised in. As we get older we add to our memories through our life experiences. So it was hard for me to seriously consider seizing this opportunity. After much consideration, I decided to sleep on it.
Happiness would never become a reality for me. I decided to accept the job, and three months later, I submitted twenty-two financial budgets on time, got that two-year agreement signed, and completed the restructuring three months after. Your attitude will either move you forward or backward.
Stop Holding Yourself Back
Your beliefs largely stem from your past—what people said and did to you and what you concluded those experiences meant about you. Become aware of what people told you when you were a child and ask yourself if those statements were actually true. Study your accomplishments and your environment, go over what you have done so far and see if they align with the accused statements. Untrue fact number one: And yet people outside my family have complimented me on my looks. At first it was hard for me to believe the compliments were genuine.
However, as I observed and listened to the actions and words that followed, I realized that I am not ugly, as my mother led me to believe.
Untrue fact number two: I was stupid and not good enough, unlike my siblings. And yet I graduated with a business degree from a reputable school, went on to get an accounting designation, and now work as a Manager of Business Solutions for one of the biggest commercial real estate companies in North America. Untrue fact number three: And yet every two years, I would travel back to my home country and help the elderly, who were abandoned by their families, with the essentials they need to survive.
I also donated money to rebuild old temples so monks and nuns can continue their studies and have a safe haven away from home—all with my own money. These are just some of my personal experiences.
You have the ability to ask for help and connect yourself to the right resources as part of your self-development journey so you can become more, know more, and prepare for the challenges ahead. I started to believe in myself when I decided to surround myself with the right friends and mentors, both from work and at home. I opened up to them about how I felt, what I wanted to improve, and how I wanted to move forward from there. I believe that having the right people behind you is one of the most critical parts of forming self-belief. Take a chance, be honest, and life will surprise you.